Mixed bag of emotions: one downside of being a traveller

received_10153837839346759I have never really experienced the downside to travelling. I have been travelling for near two years. I’m not saying that it has always been all fun and games, but when things don’t quite go the way you planned, you just have to face the problem. Once the whole time I’ve been away have I felt homesick. I’m usually just as hard as a rock.

However, on Friday, I was completely overwhelmed by everything. To get the back story: I’ve been living in Sydney for nearly a year, and I have to leave here this week due to my visa conditions. No big deal. Well? I’ve just been feeling really weird: I know I don’t want to stay here, I know I have new and exciting opportunities coming up, but, somehow, I must have more of a connection to here than I thought.

My heart just feels like it’s dying. A piece of my heart will stay here. Maybe, it’s because I know I can’t stay here again. It is the other side of the world to my home country. I’m never going to live and experience Australia again.

It’s weird… when I first arrived I had a huge culture shock from living in Asia and didn’t even want to be here and now, I don’t feel ready to leave.

Friday was just the final straw of all my emotions piling up. Basically I told my jobs two weeks in advance that I would be leaving, which is pretty nice of me as I legally only had to give them one hour. Anyway, I found out in an unprofessional way, two minutes before my day class that it would be my last time teaching them. I just didn’t know what to say to them. I was in shock. To make things worst, I arrived at my evening school and the manager sat me down, and again told me the exact same thing.

Emotions were filling my eyes. I just couldn’t move or think.I wasn’t ready to be saying farewell. It really meant I was leaving Sydney. It actually started to kick in. I have so many questions in my head and no fixed feeling. I know my plans for the immediate future. Am I worried? Am I scared? Why have I done this to myself?

They never tell you in the book of travelling this hard part. I’ve known and experience other bad parts of travelling but never this feeling. I can’t even express into word. I kind of feel like a steam truck has flattened me, not able to breathe. Or everything around me, including the surroundings, my friends, jobs, people are just like bubbles that are bursting, disappearing from my sight slowly.

I keep telling myself ‘It’s not goodbye… It’s see you later’ even though it’s hard knowing there are friends I will unlikely see again.

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